guess who’s expecting this fall?

“Guess who’s expecting this fall?”

Um, not this lady?

This is an ad for the “Smarter Toddler” chain of day care/ nursery schools in New York City. The name “Smarter Toddler” has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way; it smacks of the New York City style of hyper-parenting to which I have valiantly attempted not to succumb (often to little avail). What are they trying to say? Their toddlers are smarter than whose, exactly? Anyone’s? Or just mine?

But if the name of their school misfires, then this ad utterly, utterly fails in its attempt to reach its target audience, who I can only assume is me. Where did they get this model? Seriously, how old is she? 18? And she’s what, two days pregnant? It’s a little hard to tell, since the background color is only a half-shade darker than her stomach, but my Lord, most of us look hope to have a belly that flat when we’re NOT pregnant. Still, poor thing, why couldn’t they give her a bikini top that fit? She’s got cleavage at the bottom.

Everything about this picture– from the highlighted and tousled high-maintenance hair, to the air-brushed, vein-free stomach, to the Brazilian wax that was clearly required– seems designed to make me, an actual pregnant mother in the real world, feel awful about myself. But maybe that’s their point: Our toddlers are smarter than yours, and our moms are way, way hotter than you will ever be. We don’t even want your money. Eat your heart out.