here’s the story, of a girl named Maddie…

Sorry I haven’t been more communicative lately. I haven’t had time to write here because I have been much too busy composing my daughter Maggie’s theme song. Here it is so far:

Who is the puff
With the funky stuff?
She’s Maddiemaddiemaddie,
Maddiemaddiemaddie…

Well. It’s probably losing something in translation. Imagine a tune from a commercial for a new Parker Brothers game, one that involves the players madly shimmying their shoulders during the wildly catchy refrain. See, there you go. Pretty good, huh?

At least, my kids think so. “Sing the Maddie song!” they cajole. So I do. Then Fergus says, “Sing more parts!” and I have to confess… that’s all I have, so far.

I have made up ridiculous theme songs for each of my children, some of which are still in the Top Ten at my house. This was the opening stanza of Cooper’s theme song:

Who likes looking at the light?
Who likes staying up all night?
Cooper Edward Wilson Flaherty!

That one was particularly successful in its “Must be Santa” question-and-answer construction. It has many verses, too numerous to print here, and most of them were about what an absolutely awful newborn Cooper was. I had lots of middle-of-the-night time to work on that one.

For Fergus, I cribbed from the folk hit “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,” since that name has the exact same number of syllables as “John Fergus Wilson Flaherty.” (If you aren’t familiar with the tune, I strongly suggest you follow the link above, to some truly excellent musical instruction on the matter.) Still, that was kind of a copout, since I just changed the eponymous part and left the rest of the lyrics exactly the same.

So then, I began to craft him a song based on South Pacific‘s “Bali H’ai” that was all about his ostensibly pew-y toes. But I never got past the first line there.

I was determined to really hit the jackpot with Maddie’s song. This was my first attempt:

She’s got two older brothers,
One’s cuter than the other,
They really, really love her,
She’s Maddie Flaherty!

That is, of course,The Addams Family. I don’t know why I didn’t stick with it. I guess the triple rhymes are a little hard to work with on the fly. And it wasn’t my own composition, entirely. But the Parker Bros one has its own limitations, and now I’m considering scratching both and starting over yet again.

Now that I’ve finished humiliating myself, I’m wondering: Does anyone else spend their midnight feedings crafting theme songs for their children, or imagining their interior monologues in a high-pitched voice? Or is it just me?

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