weekly updates

I have two significant updates for everyone this week. First of all, Project Sleep Thru for Maggie is kind of on hold for now. After almost 3 weeks of letting her cry at 4:00 or so, then getting up with her for the day at 5:15 am, I threw in the towel. Now, I feed her for five minutes at 4 or 5 am, and she goes back to sleep until 6 am or so. This is still a MAJOR improvement, both over the crying, and over the months that preceded the crying; and I will face the 5 am problem wakeup at some point in the near future, perhaps when my husband takes his August vacation in a week or two. Or else I’ll just let her do it until… she doesn’t do it anymore. Being a veteran mom does have its advantages. I know Cooper got up at 5 am when he was her age, and I don’t remember what we did about it, but I do know he makes it until after 6:00 am now, so I will choose to accept, in the words of William Shakespeare, that All May Yet Be Well.

(By the way, isn’t the difference between 5 and 6 am extraordinary? After five and a half years with my oldest early riser, 6 am is just a normal day. But 5 am is completely and utterly inhumane. 7 am is something I dream not of.)

But I am burying the lead here, readers, because I went to pick up Cooper from his Manatees II room at camp last week, and I caught a glimpse of a blonde haired little girl with very wide-spaced eyes. It couldn’t be, I thought. But it was. Against all odds, Apple Martin, daughter of La Gwyneth, WAS at my son’s camp, and here she was, sipping her organic juice box like any other Manatee.

Now, you know that I had just last week been nursing my extreme disappointment that I was never going to see Apple, and therefore her mother, in real life. But by the time I gathered Cooper’s lunchbox and artwork, and pried Fergus away from the block corner, I looked up, and THERE SHE WAS. Gwyneth had come to get Apple. She looked all beachy and cute, and skinny of course but not too skinny, and I stood there trying not to look completely star-struck.

We started for the door, and so did they. We walked out the door toward the parking lot, and SO DID THEY. There we all were, walking towards our cars… well I won’t say “together,” but definitely adjacent. I couldn’t even breathe. I was trying to decide who to text first when I got to the car when Cooper piped up and said,

“Goodbye, Apple!”

Apple didn’t say anything.

“Your friend is saying goodbye to you, honey,” Gwyneth prompted.

“Bye,” Apple said.

We continued our walk toward the parking lot in silence. Now, that would have been more than enough for me: my child had a conversation with Gwyneth’s child, and I was there. Still, Cooper must have sensed the awkward silence in our group, and decided to take matters into his own hands.

COOPER: Knock knock.


GWYNETH: Apple, your friend said knock knock.

APPLE: Oh. Who’s there?


APPLE: Boo who?

COOPER: Why are you crying, it’s only a joke.


GWYNETH: Wow, that’s a good one. So lon-

COOPER: Knock knock.


GWYNETH: …who’s there?


GWYNETH: …Cows who?

COOPER: No cows moo owls hoo.

GWYNETH: Well. You’re right about th-

COOPER: Knock knock.

This went on for several more minutes, while I died one thousand deaths. I did at one point say something like “he’s full of those jokes, you’d better watch out” but I completely mumbled it because I kind of couldn’t believe this was happening. In the end, Cooper stalked Gwyneth and Apple all the way to their car, and he didn’t even know who they were. He was just laying it on thick for some cute girl and her mom with all his best knock knock material.

When we were finally in the safety of our own minivan, I said to Cooper, “So you DO know the girl named Apple I asked you about?”

He thought for a moment.

“Oh,” he said. “I didn’t know you meant *that* girl named Apple.”