because, if you’re a blogger, it’s mandatory…


…and because, if you’re a human being in America, it’s what you’re talking about this week, I hereby submit a few thoughts on the selection of Alaska governor, mother of five, and grandmother-to-be Sarah Palin as the Republican candidate for vice president:

–I hate the idea, with most of the fibers of my being. I feel that it is pandering to me, as a woman, assuming that I will vote for ANYONE AT ALL as long as she is female. But there is a teeny tiny part of me that loves the idea of a “hockey mom” in the White House. She would clean that place UP. Can you imagine the multi-tasking abilities this woman must have?

–On the other hand, consider this: if you told me you knew a mother with five children, an infant with Downs Syndrome, and a pregnant teenage daughter, I would say: “Wow. I thought I had a lot on my hands, but that’s ridiculous.” Multitasker or not, I would suggest that Mrs. Palin’s plate is already rather full, even without this pesky touring the country and running for VP business. I’m not sure there’s enough time management skills in the universe for what this household has going on.

–Since this is not a political blog, I will leave the question of her “experience” off the table. But I will question her judgment as shown on five very important matters:

1) Track
2) Bristol
3) Willow
4) Piper
5) Trig

Now some people would say that some of my children have unusual names, which they do. However they are actual names. “Track” was chosen because Sarah and her husband liked running track when they were in high school. (Look it up, I swear.) If my children were named after things I liked in high school, they would be named Boy George, Forensics, and Stirrup Pants. Hmm. Maybe it’s not too late.

And I ask you this. Where does preggers Bristol have left to go? Weird names are the bailiwick of teenage mothers. When you are a teenage mother, and your mother has already taken all the super-strange names, where have you left to go? Except perhaps “Bailiwick” itself?

–Lastly, an immodest proposal. If this year’s vice-presidential picks were chosen either for being
1) unlike Hillary Clinton, a “babe you want to see age in office,” as Rush Limbaugh has suggested, or
2) for being a “scrappy kid from Scranton,” which Obama has said is why he picked Biden…

…why not THIS glasses-wearing babe, willing to age in office, who not only has the cute baby, but is ALSO FROM SCRANTON?

Seriously. I’m a maverick. You all know that I am willing to take on the Nosefrida lobby, and they are legion. I have absolutely no foreign policy experience whatsoever. Admit it. America needs me.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Mollie September 2, 2008 at 2:28 pm

I agree that this is maybe the most important indicator of Palin’s questionable executive judgment (besides accepting the nomination, of course). But wow, I didn’t know the origin of “Track”… I assumed the names were all taken from the fantasy novels Palin writes in her spare time. (I’m imagining something like if Ursula LeGuin wrote about the End Times and the Rapture.)

I can tell you one thing: if I were going to name my kids after things I liked in high school, “Trig” is just about the last name I would ever pick.

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Julie September 2, 2008 at 3:50 pm

I think this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read:

If my children were named after things I liked in high school, they would be named Boy George, Forensics, and Stirrup Pants.

Amy for VP!!!!

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Eileen September 4, 2008 at 2:16 am

My children are definitely going to be named Eleanor, Langan and Skipping Class.

You are hilarious. I would totally vote for you.

-Eileen

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