Upon Scratching His Older Brother’s Face

Apparently not content to be my only child with facial scars, Fergus scratched a good chunk out of Cooper’s face during a bitter battle yesterday over a build-your-own-dinosaur piece, tiny enough to be inhaled through the nostril without any unpleasant after-effects. After a lengthy struggle to get Fergus to do his four minutes of age-appropriate time out, I asked him to apologize to his brother.

MOMMY: Fergus, tell Cooper you’re sorry for scratching.

Long pause.

FERGUS: (……sor………eeee……)

MOMMY: I don’t think Cooper heard that.

FERGUS: Sar…. dee.

MOMMY: That’s not how you say it.

FERGUS: Yes it is.

MOMMY: No it isn’t.

FERGUS: Yes it is. In my wanguage, “sardee” means… the ovver fing.

MOMMY: What other thing?

FERGUS: Sardee.

MOMMY: (trying another tack) Well, I’m just disappointed in you, then, because that is not a nice apology.

Fergus nods sadly.

FERGUS: I know it isn’t, Mommy. But dat’s how God made me.

He has a point there. Fergus is the person most incapable of apology since The Fonz.And Arthur Fonzarelli did overcome a troubled upbringing to live happily with the Cunninghams as an overgrown high schooler, so perhaps there is still hope.