bouncin’ and behavin’

I love to hear from readers of this space, by the way, and today’s post has been suggested by a mother of two from New York City, who writes:

I would love if on your blog you could explore why its ok that stars wear what amount to wigs, basically, and no one thinks that’s weird. The following headline is on yahoo: “katie ditches her short ‘do for glamorously long tresses”. Um, huh? You can’t ditch short hair for long. U can wear a wig.

It may not be mother-related exactly, but I’m curious as to this phenomenon.

Thanks for writing! This is a curious phenom, you are right there. And I’m going to consider it mother-related after all, since Katie Holmes/Kate Cruise is shoved down our throats ad nauseam as a Symbol of Modern and Carefree Motherhood.

Regard this photo, if you will:

On the left is our Katie with short hair, and she’s been making it look good enough that I was seriously considering going there only this week. Only to have her show up, at some movie premiere last week, with hair that’s a foot longer. Which is– let’s be clear here–not hair, it is hair extensions; or, perhaps, as our reporter in the field is suggesting, an actual WIG.

Why isn’t it more interesting to report “KATIE HOLMES WEARS WIG!” than “Katie Holmes Sports New, Gorgeous Hair, Which She Grew Effortlessly and Overnight, Further Distancing Herself From Any Resemblance to An Actual Person”? Why does the entertainment reporting world go along with the idea that stars have the same hair-changing powers as aBarbie Fashion Fever Hair-Grow-n-Styling-Head Doll?

This blind eye of the gossip world has bothered me ever since Sarah Jessica Parker’s hair got long, straight, and blonde overnight. I saw her hairdresser interviewed on the Today show. “He is the world’s foremost wigmaker,” Meredith Vieira said, by way of introduction, “and also does the hair of stars like Sarah Jessica Parker.” “Who does NOT wear a wig,” SJP’s wigmaker hastened to add. Whoops.

Why can’t they admit that they ARE wearing fake hair? Wouldn’t that be grand, if wigs came back? My mother, in the early 70s, had a wig that exactly matched her short, dark, curly hair, for when she didn’t have time to fix it. What an idea! I would so wear a wig of my hairstyle that takes half an hour to create. I HATE doing my hair. I have “shitty Irish hair,” as a hairdresser once told me, neither straight nor curly, and if I leave it to its own devices, or go a single day without washing it, it’s just BAD. As I type this, my hair is drying on its own, and although I’m not going anywhere today except to pick up the kids from school, and so will not waste 20 minutes of child-free time blowdrying it, I will still have low self-esteem all day at how bad I, and my hair, look.

So I’m either going to cut it, or get a Kate Cruise to the middle of my back. You heard it here first- I’m bringing wiggy back.