who names toys?

It’s a busy afternoon around here. Maggie is asleep, and her two older brothers, one of them with a 101.8 fever, are very busy going through the Toys R Us and Target inserts and deciding what they want for Christmas, circling their selections with two different color markers. Of course, they pretty much circled everything on every page, especially if its suggested manufacturers’ retail price is $49.99 or higher.

“You’re choosing some expensive stuff,” I murmured, looking on.

“Why are you talking about how much stuff is?” Connor asked. “Santa’s elves just make everything. They don’t have to pay for it.”

I started a rejoinder about how perhaps the materials themselves, for a sleigh full of $49.99 toys, might be a little pricey for Saint Nick, but trailed off quickly, since the more we talk about Santa these days, the more holes Connor finds in my story.

Then the boys paged through their catalogs and pointed to what they wanted so I could type it all in for easy Amazon search later. This is what I want to know: who at these toy companies is in charge of naming things? Because they’re just farting around, basically.

Exhibit A: this is on the top of Connor’s list.

Star Wars Home One Mon Calamari Star Cruiser

Seriously, what the hell. “Mon Calamari”? Sounds like a Italo/French seafood joint. Seamus, on the other hand, wants the Cars Race-o-Rama Lightning McQueen Stunt Jump Speedway. Try saying that three times fast.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Mollie November 15, 2009 at 10:04 pm

This is why children's wish lists on television and in heartwarming greeting-card illustrations never look like lists made by actual kids. "Doll, truck, board game, football" is so much cuter than "Hot Wheels Power Fast-Fury Raceway and Detachable Garage" or "Fun-in-the-Water Mermaid Dora with Splashin' Tail Windup Action."


Annie Duncan November 16, 2009 at 8:03 pm

The Toys R US Big Book has been the bane of my existence for the last 2 weeks. EVERYTHING is circled! I've told him that Santa won't have room to put that many toys for every boy and girl on his sleigh, so he'll have to narrow his selections down so that Santa can handle it.


Amy Wilson November 17, 2009 at 4:00 pm

I find I can let them circle everything, and that's almost enough, you know? They aren't actually looking for all that under the tree on Christmas morn. I remember I used to go through the JC Penney Wish Book and allow myself to choose my favorite on each page, an exercise which I understood was complete fantasy.


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