Overheard from the next room this morning, between Seamus and Maggie:
SEAMUS: We’re superheroes.
MAGGIE: We’re both two superheroes.
SEAMUS: What are your superpowers?
MAGGIE: Well, I–
SEAMUS: You can have four.
Maggie considers these parameters before responding.
MAGGIE: I have… kicking… and… fighting…
SEAMUS: Those aren’t superpowers.
MAGGIE: Yes them are.
SEAMUS: Those are superhero things to DO, but they’re not superpowers.
Pause while Maggie takes this in.
SEAMUS: Superpowers are, like, shooting lasers.
MAGGIE: Mm-hmm! I shoot lasers.
SEAMUS: From where?
MAGGIE: From me!
SEAMUS: But where from you? Like, your fingers, or your eyes…
MAGGIE: My eyes! I shoot lasers from my eyes.
SEAMUS: But no you can’t, because I shoot lasers from my eyes.
SEAMUS: You can shoot lasers from somewhere else… like your ears?
MAGGIE: I shoot lasers from my ears!
It took everything I had to not enter the conversation right there and point out that shooting lasers out of your ears, at right angles to your line of vision, would be a moderately useful superpower at best, and King-Midas-like in its danger to all you hold dear at worst.
But I held my tongue, since after all that, Maggie still had three superpowers to go.
My four superpowers are:
- talking really fast
- remembering every lyric to every top 40 song from 1989
- the potential ability to drink all the iced coffee in the whole world at a single sitting
- misplacing my wallet