getting one’s mom-uppance

Our neighbors across the hall recently confessed to me that they had a good laugh one morning after hearing me yell my kids onto the elevator and out the door to school. I’m assuming it sounded something like this.

“Come on. COME ON. Do you seriously not have your shoes on? The elevator is COMING! Wait, is today flag football? Did you pack your water bottle? Get it! GET IT! We will MISS THE BUS and heaven help you BECAUSE I WILL NOT, SO HELP ME SWEET GOD.”

The reason this made my neighbors laugh was not because it was unusual– that’s the Apartment 12A Morning Zoo Soundtrack  most days. What made them laugh was that they had just the night before see me perform in an off-Broadway play that had received rave reviews, a real dream come true for me. “And then there you were pulling your hair out the next morning,” they said, still chuckling. “How far the mighty fall.”


Which all just goes to show: being a mom is really great! Whenever Mom has a moment of glory, she can count on her family to bring her right back down to earth.  Like Carrie, as soon as a mom has a prom queen moment, someone will dump a bucket of pig blood on her just so she remembers who she is. Only difference: even if Mom gets the fire-eyes, she won’t burn anything down or anything, she’ll just holler a little. Or perhaps weep.

So I wasn’t surprised when several bodily fluids conspired to sully my incipient triumph at the second annual Listen to Your Mother: NYC last weekend. But I kept on smiling. Not Maggie’s stomach flu that had her vomiting the night before, on the hour, from two to seven a.m.; not the diarrhea of our puppy, Marshmallow, whose new brand of chewy bone upset her tender stomach; no, not even an entire morning of deep-Cinderella disinfecting of our kitchen and both bathrooms could stop this moment from being just the. BEST.


This moment was pretty good too.


And then the next morning, we were all back to yelling at our kids that they were about to miss the bus. We each suffered our own get-off-your-pedestal indignities: my fellow cast member Kim Forde’s reveries were interrupted when some cashier  asked for her Price Plus card. The nerve! Plus, Kim’s son started projectile vomiting. So I guess it’s not just me.

But I fear I might be the only one mining the horror movies of my childhood as metaphors for my recent motherhood experiences. That’s a little weird.


Sure, you can text $10 to the Red Cross. But if you want to know your dollars will have maximum immediate impact on those devastated by Oklahoma’s tornado, here’s some smaller charities that are there on the ground:

Team Rubicon , which has deployed teams of military veterans to assist the first responders on site

Samaritan’s Purse, recommended by Oklahoma native The Pioneer Woman, has disaster relief units and volunteers on site

And Infant Crisis Services, the OKC charity supported by this year’s Listen to Your Mother: Oklahoma City, will be providing formula, diapers, and food to all the displaced infants and toddlers.

Please consider these charities as you consider how to help. And keep in mind, as FEMA director Craig Fugate just explained during the latest OKC press conference: “Stuff isn’t as good as cash when it comes to the needs of people who have lost everything.” 

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

sharisim May 22, 2013 at 8:13 pm

The comparison of Carrie’s pig blood moment to parenting is golden.


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