so, what are your superpowers?

Overheard from the next room this morning, between Seamus and Maggie:

SEAMUS: We’re superheroes.

MAGGIE: We’re both two superheroes.

SEAMUS: What are your superpowers?

MAGGIE: Well, I–

SEAMUS: You can have four.

Maggie considers these parameters before responding. 

MAGGIE: I have… kicking… and… fighting

SEAMUS: Those aren’t superpowers.

MAGGIE: Yes them are.

SEAMUS: Those are superhero things to DO, but they’re not superpowers.

Pause while Maggie takes this in.

SEAMUS: Superpowers are, like, shooting lasers.

MAGGIE: Mm-hmm! I shoot lasers.

SEAMUS: From where?

MAGGIE: From me!

SEAMUS: But where from you? Like, your fingers, or your eyes…

MAGGIE: My eyes! I shoot lasers from my eyes.

SEAMUS: But no you can’t, because I shoot lasers from my eyes.


Another pause.

SEAMUS: You can shoot lasers from somewhere else… like your ears?

MAGGIE: I shoot lasers from my ears!

It took everything I had to not enter the conversation right there and point out that shooting lasers out of your ears, at right angles to your line of vision, would be a moderately useful superpower at best, and King-Midas-like in its danger to all you hold dear at worst.

But I held my tongue, since after all that, Maggie still had three superpowers to go.

My four superpowers are:

  • talking really fast
  • remembering every lyric to every top 40 song from 1989
  • the potential ability to drink all the iced coffee in the whole world at a single sitting
  • misplacing my wallet
What are yours?