At what, please God, is almost the end of the longest winter ever in the history of everything (screw you, Punxsutawney Phil), I find myself still in the Denial Stage. With six to ten inches of heaven’s wintry diarrhea barreling down on the Eastern Seaboard just in time for our school commute tomorrow morning, I say to you, oh Snow Miser: no. I do not accept your bounty. Take it to Sochi, where the snowboarders would be happy to receive it. Enough.
(By the way, doesn’t the name “Snow Miser” properly connotate someone who would hoard snow for himself, rather than shove it down our throats so incessantly? Yes. Yes, it does. I’m going to tweet at Rankin/Bass as soon as I’m done here.)
Living in NYC gives one both much more and much less license to complain about snow at the same time. Here is why:
WHY SNOW IS EASIER TO DEAL WITH WHEN YOU LIVE IN NYC
- You don’t have to shovel it
- We don’t drive anyway
- New Yorkers are known for their gruff exteriors, which provide additional warmth
WHY SNOW IS HARDER TO DEAL WITH WHEN YOU LIVE IN NYC
- We have to walk everywhere because all the taxis stayed home, buses aren’t running, and the subways always short-circuit
- If your kids want to go sledding, you can’t suit them up and send them out. You have to take them to the park and stand there while they go down “Suicide Hill” with approximately 135,000 of your neighbors
- School is almost never called off. Last month we had 13 inches of snow, the wind chill was 5 below, and there was still school
While my Facebook feed scrolls almost-daily with fellow mothers bewailing yet another snow day, my kids have not had ONE. Which probably sounds great, until you realize that that means I had to get them there.
Or do I? Seriously, if it’s snowing when I wake up tomorrow, forget it. I don’t care if there’s school or not. I will deny what is happening outside my window simply by refusing to engage with it. Resistance is futile. My third-grader has lost eight pairs of gloves this winter, and when I couldn’t find him a pair yesterday morning, I gave up. No gloves, I said. Go without them. You have gone through your allowance for the winter season, and now you will simply have to await warmer temperatures.
My friend Alexandra over at Good Day, Regular People highlighted a different trend on her Facebook feed:
2 degrees. Wind chill below zero. And yet no #coldselfies , no photos of minus sign dashboard temps. We are like broken horses, accepting what is. It just is.
I guess that means that folks in the Midwest are all the way at Acceptance, which is pretty darned enlightened of them if you ask me. Somehow, they got all the way through Anger, Bargaining, and Depression, while I’m still stuck on Step One of the Kubler-Ross Model.
Although this post is rather angry, now that I review it. Perhaps I’m on Step Two. Wow, progress. Thanks, Snow Miser!
What step are you on with this winter? Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, or Acceptance?